I'll get to the substance of this blog, but I must first start with a question-Why blog? It's something I was inspired to start quite awhile ago, by someone who was very close to me, but then I was quickly uninspired as the days and weeks rolled by and I got more in touch with reality (at least the reality that we're often lulled into). It's funny how many things in our life are like this. Often times we live a life of New Year's resolutions without even realizing it, unless it's New Year's and then we make a joke about how quickly we'll depart from our resolutions....and then we still make our resolutions.
Recently I heard a pastor talking about a man and woman he married. He was telling us how this couple did something at their wedding he had never seen- In front of all their friends and family they put a few items into a box they had made together: a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a letter each had written. Their letters weren't to each other, though. The letter was written to themselves, from themselves.. The couple called it their "Why Box." On their wedding day this couple promised that if (really when) things got so incredibly hard and they wanted to quit, when they wanted out, they would sit down together, open the bottle of wine and each read the letter they had written themselves. Their letters proclaimed all the reasons they were marrying that person. All the things they desired. All their dreams. What they believed to be the foundation of their marriage. The vision.
This got me thinking. What am I writing down? Is this just another day? Another month? Another year? Why even write? People start writing for many reasons. They want to remember things. They want to lose themselves in another world. They want to create their own world. They want to inspire others. They want to inspire themselves. Really, there could be a million different reasons. I think writing is a lot like a missions trip. Somehow God orchestrates it in perfect fashion- You might have a genuine desire to serve and love others, and even pour all your love out, but you leave the missions field with more love than when you started.
What is your favorite book? Why is that your favorite book? Have you ever thought about what the writer was experiencing as they were writing it? I don't mean thinking about the experiences they are writing about, but the experiences they are having while writing about those experiences. What caused them to put words on a page? Now that's a story in itself. Because there's an end product, but what got them to that point?
When I first started this blog over a year ago someone close to me asked me why I didn't post it on Facebook or other social media. I guess that gets us into the substance of this blog. Fear. That's why I didn't post it on social media. Fear that people will know too much about me and my faith. Oddly enough "Completely Fearless" is in the title of this Blog. People won't read it. People will read it. People will comment or criticise. It will be insignificant. People who have seen me sin might question what I'm saying, what I'm talking about, more importantly, they might question God. Because putting words on a page for people to read changes everything...it gives them an opportunity, and I have no control over what they do with that opportunity.
I was halfway done with this blog when I took a break to go workout with a friend. Somehow the subject of fear came up. He didn't know I was writing a blog about fear, though. I told him I started reading another book today, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". I was telling him a little bit about the book, and in between sets I asked him what fears he has? He looked at me and said, "I can't think of any." I'll be honest, for a second I looked ahead and thought maybe not everyone has fears like I do. I did another set. When I finished that set my friend said "I'm scared of heights, that's it, I'm scared of heights...roller coasters." I just looked at him and kind of laughed a little.
Then I gave him a small example to try and help orient him- what if a bunch of guys you don't know that well are talking about going on a camping trip and you can tell from the conversation they are all experienced campers. You play along, even pretend you want to go, but really you don't know the first thing about camping. They all know how to start a fire, and you don't. I told him I would probably be fearful that I'd be found out, that I really have no idea how to start a fire. My friend just looked at me. I went to put my weights up. When I came back my friend said he used to have a fear of going to the gym. I did another set, and then his fears just began to spill out....until we were talking about when he was in middle school...when he first developed his fear. For a moment I think he was that middle school boy again, he described it with accuracy and emotion, like he were experiencing it for the first time.
Maybe he knew all along he still had that fear. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he pushed it down. Maybe he just didn't want to admit it to himself...or me, because then he would be known. And being known is a scary thing.
In "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" Donald Miller talks about fear a lot, he says:
"The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is 'Do Not Fear', it's in there over 200 times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it, it means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn't let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life...the great stories go to those who don't give into fear."
In 2 Timothy 1:7 we're told that "God has not given us a spirit of fear." Take note, we aren't told that God hasn't given us a "flesh" of fear, or an "emotion" of fear. It says a spirit. Just as Donald Miller says, we're going to be afraid. It's going to happen. But as the verse is 2 Timothy goes on we are told we've been given a spirit of "power", "love", and a "sound mind." I'm not a theologian, but to me it seems like we're being told we have the same spirit in us that rose Jesus from the dead. Okay so maybe I just think that because we are told this very thing in scripture (Romans 8:11).
I have to believe "Do Not Fear" is the most repeated commandment in the bible because it is so crippling to the rest of our lives. It's like a ripple effect. Our fear holds us back more than anything else. It shapes our stories. I think about all the great companies and inventions and can only wonder how many companies were never started and inventions never invented because of fear. I think about how many things in relationships and families are never said because of fear. How many ideas don't come to pass. How many friendships don't make it.
Myself? I fear that I won't be a good husband or father when the time comes. I fear that I don't have what it takes to be an attorney. I fear that it will be found out that I've only shot a gun a handful of times, been fishing twice, and have never been camping in the middle of nowhere. I fear that I'll never be able to start the organization I've always dreamed of, that nobody will listen to me even if I do, or I won't have the money to keep it going. I don't know what you fear, but I know that we all have a choice.
"I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. They take it out on their spouse, and they go looking for an easier story." - Donald Miller
What kind of story is unfolding before us? And what place does fear have in it? What will our stories look like if we ENGAGE with JESUS and take hold of the POWER, LOVE, and SOUND MIND that is promised to us? Because that is when the Kingdom advances, ideas come to fruition, and the world begins to change. Oh there will be resistance, there always is. What kind of story has no resistance? Not a very good one I've learned. In fact, I'm not sure I'd want a story without resistance. I think about my college baseball experience. The first two years were awful. I wanted to quit daily. I'm not sure why I didn't, even to this day. I probably played nine innings in 2 years. But I know that when I finally earned a starting spot at shortstop my junior year I cherished it every single day. I wasn't a freshman phenom that was starting on day one. I wasn't even given a chance. It took two full years of running, lifting, sweating, bleeding, blisters, putting my face in front of a baseball when nobody else would, to convince every coach and player that I should be on the field. It was a risk, because what if I did all of that and I still wasn't good enough? But I know when I finally got that starting spot, it was more meaningful because of the resistance.
I don't know what you fear. Maybe it's if you will ever get your dream job, a job at all, or be good enough at the one you have. Maybe it's an insecurity, like your weight, height, or intelligence. The list could go on and on. But I do know that we weren't meant to live in it.
So do something about it. Just do something. Jump into the story. Jump into the fear. For me, today was about posting this blog and writing down what I fear. Tomorrow is about my first hearing on my own as an attorney, without a partner at the firm to look to, with a lot of money on the line. I don't know what it will be the day after that. But I do know that if I can't jump into the story each day has, the trees will never get bigger or smaller. I'll just be stagnant. And my dreams, well they'd certainly never be more than an idea, or a conversation with a friend.
"Whimsy- It's that nagging idea that life could be magical; it could be special if we were only willing to take a few risks..."- Bob
Take a risk people. More to come.
