big ass circles

Recently I started reading  a book called "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson, and it's incredible. It's based on a story of a man named Honi who lived in Jerusalem the generation before Jesus was born. The people in Jerusalem had gone a year without a drop of rain. The prophets of the Old Testament had died off, and hearing from God had become an afterthought for most. But Honi, believed that even if he couldn't hear God, God could still hear him. So he walked out in front of the entire city hobbling on his cane and began to draw a circle around himself in the dust. A large crowd had gathered to see what was going on. He then got on his knees and prayed aloud, telling God that he was not leaving that circle until rain fell upon their people. Can you imagine that crowd? I know I probably would have scoffed at ole' Honi. But not moments later sprinkles began to fall and the desperate people began to rejoice. Dancing and Singing. Honi hadn't moved an inch. He again prayed aloud and declared that these sprinkles were not the rain he had prayed for. But rather, he had prayed for rain that would sustain and provide. Seconds later it began to downpour. Raindrops as big as eggs fell from the sky and the people scattered. The city was flooding, but Honi again didn't move an inch. One more time he prayed aloud and cried out not for a rain that wouldn't bring destruction, but a rain that would be gracious and bring life and favor upon his people. And in that moment the rains calmed. It went from a storm to a shower. That day became known as "the day."

I was lost in thought for awhile after I read this. I just sat in silence as I came to this realization: I've been standing in the crowd.

Honi's story is one of my favorite stories to date. More than anything it makes me realize that so many of us are standing in the crowd watching  the few and far between Honi's. Think about it. The story makes clear that these were a people of faith. God wasn't punishing them. It just wasn't raining. They were dry and they were starting to die. They couldn't comprehend how or why Honi would even do such a thing and think God would listen. Before Honi's prayer it was impossible for them to believe, after it was impossible for them not to.

It's interesting because each person in the crowd still received the blessing, right? Even though they weren't in that circle. Admittedly, I've been in the crowd for far too long. This doesn't mean I don't believe or pray or receive blessings in my life. But what if there's more than mist? What if God has been sitting there this whole time waiting for us to call to him and pray boldly and specifically for the things and desires he's placed inside of us. What if he's offended by how small our prayers are.

"When you live by faith, it often feels like you are risking your reputation. You're not. You're risking God's reputation. It's not your faith that's on the line. It's his faithfulness." - Mark Batterson

I think that's what the crowd, and myself, don't realize. Honi isn't afraid to kneel in the circle. He's not afraid to pray out loud and let every single person know what he's believing for. When it starts raining he's not afraid to pray for a different kind of rain. He prays specifically for a specific type of rain. And when he gets a sprinkle....he doesn't say, well, maybe this will work...?  He digs deeper and he expects more because he prayed for greater things. The kinds of things that make Jesus famous.

For me, it feels like I'm risking my reputation over and over. If I pray for specific things it's easy to get my hopes up. It's easy to get discouraged when those prayers don't immediately come to pass. It's even embarrassing. I thought maybe, just maybe I could stand out there with everyone else and survive off of the light mist that lands on the crowd while we watch the Honi's of the world get drenched with audacity.

I've decided that I'm tired of standing in the crowd. I'm tired of hoping that someone else will be audacious with their prayers. If you're a regular reader (I like to say this as if there are thousands of you) then you know I started leading the college and young adults ministry at my church this fall. Our church is only two years young so we don't have the big budgets or man power for extravagant things. Six months ago there were 7 young adults/college students and today this ministry looks like 25 people stacked in a living room on Thursday nights. It's incredible, and it has changed my life. But just like Honi when it started sprinkling, I know there's more and for the first time in my life I'm drawing a big ass circle. There are four college campuses within 20 minutes of our church, and the only significant college ministry I can find is 35-45 minutes away. I Google church after church in Oklahoma City and I can't find any college ministries. If they do actually have a college web page I can't even decipher where they meet or what time it's at.

The silence is deafening in this city. I can't take all four campuses at once, but today I made my first connection at my first campus. We had a lunch meeting two miles from campus and talked about potential connections and all the possibilities for growth there. After lunch I did the only thing I could think to do...went two miles up the street and drove circles around that campus and prayed over and over for God to give it to me. For him to give me the entire thing. For the right relationships and resources to come from the nothing I have right now. For the way the vision he's given me is going to continue to unfold. For a ministry that connects students to the Jesus that is completely ridiculous and full of adventure. The same Jesus that walked on water, turned water to wine, put mud in peoples eyes, and talked to everyone that he wasn't supposed to. For a ministry that compels students to stop standing at the door of life until they graduate, but invites them to clutch the knob and swing the door open to a city that needs freshmen and sophomores and juniors and seniors to start organizations now and feed the homeless now and show the Oklahoma City prostitutes the love of Jesus now. It probably won't happen over night, and it might look really lame before it's really awesome. But I know that I've been given a vision, and now I've got a circle....and that's a dangerous combination.

So that's why I've been scared to get in the circle in the past and that's what I'm doing about it. You should know God is begging you to put his reputation on the line and draw a big ass circle around your marriage, your future job, your best friend, your biggest dreams, your next meal, your bills that keep stacking up, your addiction, or whatever else you might think is too big for him. And just for the record, if you feel like an idiot praying for it, or telling someone, or writing about it because it seems impossible...you're probably onto something.

 More to come- J

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I'm Feelin September

It's almost fall and I'm so ready I can't even take it. It's absolutely my favorite season. The days are cooler. The nights are crisp. The leaves change colors. Football is on, playoff baseball begins, and fires will start burning. C'monnnn somebody I'm getting fired up (a la Josh Cossey). But it's still September and people post their new fall clothes on Instagram because it's not cold enough, or at all, to wear them yet. I hear Starbucks even released their Pumpkin Spiced Latee early this year - making money off of your anticipation. I'm guilty also, I'd probably be willing to throw away the rest of September like all of you. But I have to slow myself down and remember what the rest of September offers; with the last bit of summer, we're offered all kinds of moments, and that's something we can never get back This isn't another cease the day blog. Not another "#YOLO" anthem. I'm not telling you to live your life to the fullest and skydive and travel and stay out too late. I'm not telling you not to look forward to things. I'm telling you to feel the moment to the fullest, the real moments, the big ones that seem so small but later loop in your mind like a six second Vine.

Doesn't it feel like we live our lives waiting for the next big event? The next season. We're a bunch of moment wasters. My college baseball coach shared a story with the seniors every year, "the marble story", to remind the seniors just how few moments we had left to run out to our positions, slide in the dirt, and get grass stains on our white pants like 10 year old boys. It's kind of long and throws off the flow of a normal blog. Luckily there are no rules on this blog, so give it a read if you have time.

"The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it...

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles".

I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital."

He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years." "Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."

"It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy."

"So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away." "I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time." "It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.

73 Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!" You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

So, how many Saturdays do you have left, and how many have you wasted? I think life is all about moments. Saturdays are really just the greatest opportunity for moments. I don't know what season you're in. Maybe you're in an incredibly fruitful season and you never want it to end. Maybe it's been the worst season of your life. Maybe it's neither, and you are just muddling along through each day somewhere in between. You could be starting your freshman year of college or just realizing you're a senior. You could be looking forward to your wedding. The perfect vacation. Falling in love. Chasing your dreams. You could be facing tragedy. Struggling to get up each morning. Finding it difficult to stay sober. Avoiding admitting you were wrong. Starting a new ministry. Or rebuilding a baseball program.

Wherever we're at we have to remember we only have so many moments. No season will last forever, whether good or bad or in between. We have to face it all. We have to be present. We have to feel heartbreak and fear and pain and suffering. We have to feel disappointment and let down and being unsure and confused. We have to feel our hearts beating out of our chests with joy and excitement. We have to feel love and grace and compassion. We have to find the ability to be real. If we're not facing the music we're not living. 

"She wasn't waiting for the good part. She knows that these are the good parts, even while they're the bad parts. She wasn't shut down, going through the motions. She wasn't holding tight till this season passed. She was right there with me, right there with her kids, right in all the glory and pain and mess and beauty of a spring night in between everything." -Shauna Niequist

There's something about all the moments and all the months. There's something about staying present that is so risky and so fulfilling. There's something about not just passing the days and numbing yourself from the bigness of a moment. Right? That's what makes the moments bruitful. Beautiful and Brutal. They both make you feel alive. I can't help but think that Jesus gave us all the feelings and all the moments for a reason. So I can't just throw away September while I'm waiting on October. I can't throw away being diligent and learning while bigger dreams are unfolding right in front of me. I can't throw away learning how to be a husband while I'm waiting on a wife. I can't throw away Saturday mornings. I can't throw away any of those times, not when it's easy, not when it's painful, not when it's boring, not when I'm waiting for something great to happen.

This September I dare you to feel as many moments as you can.

More to come- J