Two Thousand Thirteen

2013. Brutiful. That's the only word that comes to mind. It's no secret, 2013 was a tough year for this guy - It was brutal, in every sense of the word. Those moments are found in the archives of this blog. But so are the beautiful moments. The redeeming ones. The unexpected adventures found amidst my reeling heart. And for the first year ever, I've been present for all of it. I didn't disappear. I didn't run from it. I walked straight into my fear, and I came out on the other side.

So I can't hate 2013, I don't have it in me. I won't be stuck in it. I won't regret it. I'm so ready for 2014. But I will remember it. I will hold it close. I will pick its memories up and throw them around when fear seems easier. I'll read the pages of this blog. I'll celebrate 2013, always. Because this was the year that Jesus changed everything.

During 2013, this is what I learned and loved and found true:

• Love always wins, always.
• Jesus runs faster than we do - So we have to stop running.
• Writing is art, and that's weird, because I'm not very artsy.
• "Oceans" by Hillsong United is the greatest worship song ever - I've been listening for 10 months straight.
• Love Does, so if you don't take action, you don't love it or them - Thanks Bob Goff.
• I read the Circle Maker and learned how to pray, really pray, with a different kind of momentum.
• Church planting is hard and messy and full of managing tension, but it's worth it.
• Jesus never gave up on anyone, and he still doesn't - We have to stop giving up on people, they need us.
• Grace doesn't exist in doses - It's all or nothing.
• Becoming an adult is not easy - Why doesn't anybody tell us this?
• Every single person wants to be known and to belong, whether they know it or not.
• The most significant conversations happen at kitchen tables.
• Saturdays are for adventures and mischief and Ultimate Frisbee, not sleeping in or tv.
• When Jesus tells you something, hold fast to it. Even if it doesn't come to pass in your time frame, it will come to pass.
• Love & War by John Eldredge is the greatest book on loving well - If you are, or want to be a husband or wife, you have no choice but to read this.
• Honoring a commitment is always worth it - You'll learn so much.
• Thursday's are for Circle and family and dinner and catchphrase and too many people in a living room.
• Sometimes what Jesus says is different from what everyone in your life says - This is hard.
• God will be faithful to complete in you the work he started - It's wild when you let him take control.
• The devil uses patterns to keep us from all that Jesus has for us. If you find yourself in a pattern, it's time to do something different. It's time to fight it. It's time to feel uncomfortable.
• "They were saved by the blood of the lamb and the WORDS of their testimonies" - Revelation 12:11. In the last book of the bible we're reminded that Jesus and our STORIES save us. It's time to tell your story. Start a blog. Meet with friends. Meet with one person. Someone needs to hear it.
• I wouldn't rather be anywhere than at Faith Church on Sunday mornings.

There are hundreds more, but I hope these few help propel you into the New Year. I hope you think about them with me. What did you learn this year? Have you ever stopped to think about that before you're on to the next one?

I hope tonight you're fully present and engaged and bursting with life. I hope you're with all the people and in the places you want to be. I hope that no matter what 2013 looked like for you, you know that you have a New Year and anything can happen. It's going to be wild people.

More to come - J

Sheep Gate Pool

A few months ago I wrote a blog called "Kitchen Tables." You can click on the link and read all of it, but it was mostly about my church and community and friends, and how they're all in Northwest Oklahoma City. I wrote about one friend in our group who decided that it was time for her to move from Moore to Northwest Oklahoma City. It was time for her to stop dipping her toe in the water and do a belly flop. I hinted around the idea that I might eventually take that plunge also, and I did recently. And Jesus continues to show me why it's worth coming to the table.

When you experience grace, you learn to give grace. It's when you're surrounded by people who continually give you grace through your mess, that you truly learn how to be gracious.That's how it's worked for me at least.

I'm not the most organized person. In fact, it's fair to say I'm the least organized person. I was moving out of an apartment that had seen the hardest and darkest year of my life. Although things had been better for a few months, it was almost as if the darkness hadn't lifted on that apartment. I can't think of one good memory there. Needless to say, it was a disaster when it came time to move a couple weeks ago. My room was a wreck. I hadn't the slightest idea which clothes were clean or dirty. There were plates and glasses and sunflower seeds and crumbled up Wendy's bags. Picture frames were knocked over and DVD's scattered the floor.

It had been fine, because only I had to see that place. I didn't invite anybody over, and I was never home. I just slept there. My friends offered to help when it was time to move, and you'd think with what I just described I'd clean so that they could help me clean. But remember that part about me being unorganized. It was now moving day, and my friends showed up and experienced the disaster. I'm pretty sure they were hesitant at first, "Do we really love him thisssss much?" Everything was such a mess that I wasn't even sure how to ask them for help. They were there, and willing, but I didn't even know what I needed. We all began arbitrarily packing things up. I was more embarrassed than I had been in a long time, and these are people that love me as much as anyone in the world.

 I'm pretty sure I was annoying the crap out of my friend Jacob, because out of my embarrassment I was trying to help everyone that was helping me. I don't even know if that makes sense to you. I wanted their help, but it was so awful I didn't want them to have to do anything. Every time Jacob and Thomas would pick something up to carry to the truck I'd try to intervene and take one of their places.

That's when Jacob said, "Dude, let us be your friends!" - This changed everything. He meant, let us love you. Let us come into your mess and get filthy and tired and pull you out of it. Let us spend two Saturday's moving in the freezing cold. Let us be disgusted and embarrassed with you.

Grace is never given partially. If it is, it isn't grace. My friends didn't load up the truck and drop everything at the front door of my new apartment. Instead, they helped me unpack all of it. They helped me create a new home and a fresh start. They didn't love me half way, they gave me everything they had.

This is what Jesus does for us, right? He comes into our mess when everyone else has given up on us. He gets dirty and messy and embarrassed with us. In John 5: 1-8, Jesus heals a paralytic who had been an invalid for 38 years. Every day he laid on a mat near the sheep gate pool trying to bathe. He never made it into the pool. He couldn't move and people would just pass him by. Jesus finds him there and heals him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."

What we miss in this verse is that this paralyzed man was trying to bathe, and had been lying on a mat everyday for a very long time. He couldn't bathe. He couldn't find a restroom. He couldn't change his clothes. He didn't have deodorant. Or soap. Can you even begin to imagine what his mat probably smelled like? What a mess it was? I think my old room was getting close to this. Do you think Jesus stood on the other side of the street and healed him so he wouldn't have to smell him? I doubt it. I bet Jesus was all up in this guys mess. Right there with him. Pulling him out of it. Healing him. And telling him to take his mat, as a reminder of that day.

I think at some point we're all this man on the mat. Whatever mess we find ourselves in, whether we created it or not. We don't know how to get out of it. Maybe we've even given up. Maybe the water is right there at the sheep gate pool, we're so close, and we just can't make it. So we settle for living on the mat.

It's when we're exhausted and broken and so tired of trying to get out of our mess that we stop and listen to Jesus saying, "Dude, let us be your friends!" - This is what grace looks like. This is what love looks like. It's messy and it comes to get dirty and pull us through every single time. So you will make it through the mess. You will experience grace that you don't understand. Friends will love you like you're their family. You will be made whole.

And when we make it through the mess, we've got nothing left to do but cannon ball into the sheep gate pool.

More to come - J