eighteen days

For the first time in a long time, I haven't known what to write. I haven't been able to find the topic or the story. I've been doing fun things. There have been awesome moments. I have some great stories. But still, I've had nothing to say. It has been eighteen days since I last blogged. Sure, that's not forever. But sometimes it feels like it when you don't know what to write. 

One of my dreams is to be a writer. I'm not really sure what that looks like. I want to write a book. I want to have a blog that thousands of people read and are somehow filled with life. But while that dream exists, I've also come to this realization. Writing is a business. Most prolific writers have contracts and agents. Deadlines and schedules. Suppose you're Donald Miller and writing is your full time job. You have a contract and you've got to write three, or four, or five books in a year - or however long. You probably don't have eighteen days to not know what to say.

There's a fairly new song out by Jimmy Needham, it's called "Clear the Stage." It goes like this:

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze
If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols
Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too
Until the congregations few, then have revival
Tell your friends that this is where the party ends
Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social
Then seek the lord & wait for what he has in store
And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful

'cause you can sing all you want to
Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song

Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for god to whisper
Beg him please to open up his mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

I've had this song on repeat the past two days. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, woah, chill out Jimmy...you're a little intense there. His words are almost offensive...and I get defensive. I think this is sometimes the way truth works. It's the way the gospel works. It offends us by nature. We either clinch our fists and get defensive or we fall to our knees with our palms up.

What I'm realizing after eighteen days is there are times you have to clear the stage. It doesn't matter if you're doing great things or awful things. You can build a church, make best friends, feed the homeless, or run an organization. You can make memories and take awesome trips. Dominate your job. Have the biggest crush on someone. And maybe all of those things are God honoring. But despite all of it, there's an insatiable desire for more. 

Jimmy sings..."Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken." All great things can become a distraction and none of them can take the place of talking to Jesus, of falling on your knees and listening to him speak. 

So last night I did that. I stopped going a million miles an hour with all the great things going on in my life. I did nothing in silence and I listened while I did it. I got rid of the outer distractions, and found the inner distractions that make us always so welcoming of the outer. But there I also found the overwhelming presence of Jesus. The kind that pulls at your heart and reminds you of his bigness and goodness and faithfulness. The kind that makes you cry like an 8th grade girl because you don't know what else to do in his presence.

When you clear the stage, Jesus always meets you there because that's his promise. Despite our likeness of Peter, of David, of Abraham, and Adam and Eve. He's faithful. So I dare you to clear the stage. To go Youtube the song, and listen to what Jesus wants to tell you and nobody else. He desperately wants to talk to you.

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure." - Henri J.M. Nouwen

I'm thankful for eighteen days, for silence, and for words with meaning that brings life.

More to come - J

wisdom from a seven year old

Why is it that we aren't typically interested in learning about anything until our feet are to the fire? Maybe this is only me, and if so feel free to stop reading now. But seriously, why do we do it? I know learning about something can't ever really prepare you for the experience of it. Whether it's marriage, a new career, a new semester, a new friend, being a parent, or even just a new day. I think we should continually seek wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.

The first chapter in Proverbs is entitled "The Beginning of Knowledge." Proverbs 1:1-5 has been my go to the past few months. For some reason I can't get past it. Maybe it's because I've never been in this place before.

"The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth- Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance..."

It reminds me of the people in my life that I can only think to describe as, wise. You know, the select two or three that you would swear are on a different wave length with Jesus. The ones you just have to talk to when you're in a real pickle. And you often wonder, will I ever know or love Jesus as much as they do? I love those people and I hope I grow into one of them someday.

However, recently I've been learning from a seven year old little girl. Here's just a few things shes teaching me.

How to be Fearless.

She goes to my church and I first met her about a month ago when the church took a trip to Six Flags. She's seven and she rode every single roller coaster that day. I love roller coasters so I also rode them all. But I know I wasn't as brave as her. It was near the end of the day and the whole group met back up to ride a couple last rides before we called it a day. The Texas Giant was all that was left, and of course she rode it. She rode it with me and we sat at the very front. I remember slowly creeping to the top and feeling pretty fearful. She was just talking away and looking out into the distance. And then we got to the peak. I gripped the cart for deal life, but she let go and put her arms in the air as we plummeted straight down.

She taught me that letting go and putting your arms in the air is the only way to do it, getting on the ride isn't enough. Taking the job isn't enough. Moving isn't enough. Being in the relationship isn't enough. Showing up isn't enough. Sending a text isn't enough. You can't just put your toes in the water. You're either all in, or you're still holding on to the cart and missing out on a whole lot.

How to Stand Your Ground.

Our church just finished Vacation Bible School this week for all the grade school kids. It was only three nights, but it seemed like a month. It was definitely worth it, though. The first two nights were great and we taught a lot of kids about Jesus. I was able to spend a lot of time with my seven year old friend over these three days. But I remember the last night vividly. At the end of each night we'd have praise and worship. And each night we'd ask if there were anyone who needed to give their hearts to Jesus. The first night a few kids went down to the altar. The second night more kids went down. The last night every single kid went down in a frenzy. As soon as we asked the question there was a stampede to the altar. Except my little friend didn't go. She just stood next to me, and looked up at me and said "woah!"

I smiled and asked her if she wanted to go with the other kids. She said "no." I asked her if she would like me to go with her, and again she confidently said "no thanks." - I don't know for sure what she was thinking, but I had peace about it. It was almost as if she were looking at the other kids like they were crazy, like she wanted to tell them....you asked Jesus into your heart last night and the night before...what the heck are you doing? He loves you, He's not going anywhere.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Or maybe you just weren't there to see the confidence in her face. We already know she's fearless, remember?

How to be a Dad.

I have three nephews I'm incredibly close with. They're probably the most important things to me in the entire world. Unfortunately they live in Kansas City so I don't see them as much as I'd like to. They teach me patience, and a lot of other things that it's probably going to take to be a dad to boys one day. I haven't been around little girls very much. So I'm learning a lot recently from my friend at church. She was a little bit shy at first. After our Six Flags trip she'd come find me on Sundays at church, grin and wave, and disappear. But then one Sunday I went and found her and bent down and asked her how she was and told her how beautiful she looked for church. Ever since then she'll come and find me, throw her arms around me, and I'll tell her how beautiful she looks.

During VBS I was able to spend a lot of time with her. We'd play and laugh and be goofy together. She'd always want me to sit with her. She'd wave to me from across the room. But there was a moment I lost it. Probably the first moment I thought, I can't wait to be a dad someday. On the last night after she had stood her ground, we were going to end the night praying over all the kids and leaders who helped make the week happen. All of the kids gathered around the stage and her friends came and grabbed her arm and drug her off to the other side of the stage like little girls do. I didn't follow, I just stood around the other kids. But as our pastor got ready to pray I looked over and she was leaning back peeking at me around all the other people. And when she saw me look at her she just left her friends and ran back over to me and held my hand as we prayed. I was done for. I had just the slightest glimpse of what it must be like to have a little girl.

I don't have kids. I'm not even married. I don't try to be her dad just like I don't try to be my nephew's dad. They both have great dads. But I do try to learn and catch a glimpse of what it might take. Because I want to be a dad someday. The same way I want to be a husband someday, and I'm trying to find out all that it will take to be a great one.

There she is. I'm thankful for her friendship. I'm thankful that I've been able to learn from her without her even knowing it. I'm thankful that she always reminds me to have faith like a child.

We can't forget to slow down. To open our eyes and see what's around us. What or who can we learn from? And how can we get that knowledge to our hearts?

More to come- J

kitchen tables

I've been going to my church for about 7 months now and I've met some amazing people and friends. The majority of whom live on the northside of OKC, because that's where our church is. There are others who live on the southside of OKC. And I live somewhere in the middle near downtown. When I started going to church there I quickly noticed how all of the northsiders would continually lobby for everyone else to move to the north side. 

I thought it was so annoying. I thought, why the heck does it matter where we live? We come to church. We meet up to hangout. We have plenty of "community". Really, what is 25 minutes of driving time?

That was 2 months in and there was this part of me that used to think everyone was out to get me. That the northsiders could only want us to move there for self serving reasons. It wasn't anything they did, but just my own struggle to trust people and see things for what they are. It's something I'm learning how to do with each new day.

Today, is 7 months though. And last night I helped one of my best friends move some of her things from the south side of OKC, to the north side of OKC. Really, I wasn't much help. She had been moving things all day and I just went by after work to see how it was going. However, one of the things she did need help moving was a table and four chairs. Jacob and his wife Brittany now live in the neighborhood just across the street, so they met up with us and we carried the table up the stairs to her new apartment. It was late and most of us had worked all day and then worked more at the church for a good portion of that night. But despite being exhausted and not having eaten lunch or dinner we freed the table and chairs from their protective plastic coverings with a couple car keys and a grueling effort, because it was her new apartment and first table and four chairs to purchase all on her own.

With the exception of this new table the apartment was still empty. There was nothing on the walls and no other furniture. No pretty pictures and no throw pillows or candles. We put the chairs around the table, but we didn't sit in them. Jacob sat on the floor and Brittany eventually sat down close to him. I love that she wants to be close to him. Mackenzie and I just stood there and took a deep breath. The girls said how "pretty" the table looked. We talked about having dinner at her table. And filling her apartment with people and life. I'm pretty sure we were all exhausted and ready to go home, but we just looked at the table for a little bit. It was in this moment I realized, all of the northsiders wanted us to move closer, because they wanted us to come to the table. 

The table gives life and it pushes us. It's where we talk and listen. It's where we fight and make up. It's where we dream and get focused. Where we eat together and play cards. It's where we cry and forgive. I think about the last supper and the disciples asking Jesus where he wanted to eat the Passover, and Jesus told them about a man in a city, who had a house...with a table. Jesus said to go there, and he would meet them and eat the Passover. Most of us know those verses and the discussions that took place. But I love that the disciples had to find a table, it was time to engage. Jesus didn't lead them onto the water in that moment, or atop a scenic mountain with a star covered sky. He wanted them to come to the table.

I think a lot of times the table gets drowned out by everything else in our houses or apartments, and our lives. We decorate the entire place and surround it with so much stuff. There are so many other things to look at. We pile junk on the table and use it for storage. If we happen to sit at the table we turn the TV on. We complain of being too busy. And if we're being honest, we don't like what the table brings. It causes us to slow down. It causes us to focus on each other. It causes us to talk. The table says, it's time to engage. And it's not the table that's significant, it's the opportunity. The opportunity for community, for relationship, for doing life with people who love you.

So a 25 minute drive may sound insignificant, and we may still hang out with the northsiders all the time. But what I've started to realize is it's better to live at the table than visit it. It's awesome to live across the street from your best friends and go to each others' houses and eat each others' food like it's your home, because it is. In case you're wondering, I still live in midtown, but I think sooner than later I'll be moving to the table.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful,

committed citizens can change the world.

Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

More to come- J 

 

you know what time it is

Sup everyone. Have you heard the news? I caved. I'm on the line...Exchange O Gram...it's completely different than Instagram. But really, after holding out for a couple years I finally joined Instagram, and it makes me think of the Internship every time. So enjoy the clip.

I guess this blog is more about how I ended up "on the line."

If you follow the Blog at all you know I'm coming up on a year of living in Oklahoma City. My first year as an attorney is almost over. My first year dealing with all the joys of being an adult has come to pass- it has been a year hard fought. I graduated law school in Florida and moved back to Oklahoma. I love Oklahoma. My dad was a judge in Tulsa for 20+ years so I have ties to the legal community. Most of my family lives in Oklahoma and Kansas. I had every reason to justify the move home. However, I had a best friend and girlfriend of 3+ years...who was in Oklahoma. I told her I wasn't moving home for her, more than once or a hundred times. I told everyone I wasn't moving home for her. The truth is...I moved home for her. It's interesting how at the time it seemed more risky to tell her I was moving for her than to actually move across the country with no promise of a job. I moved, and nothing turned out like we planned. Being an attorney is nothing like watching Suits. It's demanding, and it drains you. And it flat out kicked my ass. I suffered as a person, my relationships suffered, my faith suffered. Somehow it brought every impurity  in my life and past to the surface...like a fire. My girlfriend and I broke up. Actually, my girlfriend broke up with me. Mostly because I was a miserable person to be around. I had no friends. No church. No faith. No girlfriend. And a job that I was sinking in.

I know, am I done feeling sorry for myself yet. I'm not the first to experience it, and I won't be the last. But that doesn't make it easier for anyone. After all of that I just had this time with God, because really I had nothing left. For the first time in my life I was picking a fight with Him. I told Him how I really felt about all the things that had happened in my life. I told him I was pissed. I told him I didn't understand. I think he had been waiting for a long time to hear those things. To hear me be honest. And eventually, when God thought I was ready, I bumped into my church. I met new friends and new family.

I can't help but think about how different things are from a year ago. How God brought me to the perfect church at the perfect time. But I still had a choice to make. I could attend church and love it and enjoy the friends I had made. Which is great, and that's ideal...grow spiritually and live in community. But for me, it can't stop there. Not anymore. I had to get some skin in the game.

Joan of Arc is one of my favorite people in history. If you don't know much about her you should just Google her name. She was an uneducated peasant girl in fifteenth century France who had all odds against her and persisted to fight for what she believed was right. She led the French Army to several victories before she was captured by the enemy, betrayed by her own, and eventually burned at the stake. By the time she was 16 she had proclaimed herself the virgin warrior sent by God to deliver France from the English, and said that she received counsel from angels for three years. Since Joan was human she protested to God for some time, but she knew what God was telling her. And eventually, she undertook the quest that she had been prepared for.

She was feverish in her determination to succeed at what was, by anyone's measure, a preposterous mission. She knew not how to ride or lead in war; and yet she roused an exhausted, under equipped and impotent army into a fervor that carried it from one unlikely victory to the next. Defying the cautious strategies of seasoned generals to follow inaudible directions from invisible beings. - Kathryn Harrison

That pulls at everything inside of me. It makes me want to save little kids in Uganda or young girls in Cambodia. Maybe even run through a brick wall. I love that she rose to the occasion. She went against the grain. She told war generals and veterans they were wrong. She rode into war with only a flag declaring "Party of the Kingdom of Heaven." The doubters doubt. They say she was crazy and believe she had symptoms of schizophrenia, epilepsy, or tuberculosis. Stories are told about her praying for and healing little children and her prayer for the wind to rise up when her boats' sails had stalled at sea.

One Wednesday at church when I was 7 years old I went up for prayer with my mom. You don't remember much from when you're 7, but I remember this. I'm pretty sure I just followed her up, because that's what 7 year old's do. I didn't know why we were going up for prayer, but I remember being prayed for, and I remember when it was over. My mom asked me what I thought. I told her I was supposed to be a youth pastor. It just makes me laugh. I don't think I had told anyone that story until about 2 months ago. I suppose there are many reasons I held it in.

I'm still not a youth pastor.

However, starting this fall I am the college and young adults pastor. It took 19 years, a bachelors in psychology, and a law degree; here's to taking the long route. But here I am. Lawyering during the day and doing things in whatever capacity I need to at the church by night. We're a young church, and we don't have hundreds of college kids yet. But we have this vision. I have this vision.

I don't know what's going to happen from here, but it felt a little bit crazy when I was sitting there with the pastors in our church and the head pastor looked at me and said "You're a pastor now!" and looked at them and said "He's a pastor now!" I felt like he was a little crazy because I've never been to bible college or seminary. But I also felt like I had been waiting 19 years to hear those words.

This blog isn't about you becoming a pastor, or how hard the past year was. It's not about quitting your job or changing your major. It's not about where you're going this summer or who you're going to marry. It's about getting some skin in the game. Whatever game in this life you find yourself in. It's time to get up and go. There's things to be done. Places to go. People to love. It's time to join the worship team. It's time to be the youth pastor. It's time to invite your co-worker to church. It's time to mail your friends handwritten thank you's because sometimes technology just doesn't suffice. It's time to make the call. It's time to do what is hard. It's time to just do something.You know better than I do what's on your heart, but it's time.

"Extravagant love isn't satisfied just dangling its feet over the water in people's lives; it grabs its knees and does a cannonball." - Bob Goff

This is how I ended up on Instagram. Even though I think it's ridiculous. Even though I never take pictures. I do now because all the high school kids do. Because all the college kids do. And I want to cannonball into their world and not dangle my feet or take the stairs into the water.

Joan once said "I'm not afraid, I was born to do this." - she had some skin in the game. I want to be that feverish and I want to be that preposterous. It's time.

More to come- J

Mouthwash and Cabbage

Sup everyone. I've decided if I ever get paid to write a blog I'm still going to say, "Sup everyone". But I digress.

 On Sunday at church (www.faithchurch.me) we talked about the 4th a little, and prayer a lot. My pastor shared a story about Richard Henry Lee. Maybe some of you have heard of him? I hadn't. So I did some research also. I'm sure every history buff knows of him, but he doesn't get much street cred. Richard Henry Lee did a lot of increidble things as Politician and Activist in the 1700's: as a member of Virginia's House he publicly spoke out aginast slavery and put the highest tax on slavery anyone had ever seen (keep in mind this is 1759...and at the time actions like this were putting your life on the line), he co-authored the Westmoreland Resolves which became a book of sorts speaking out against the Crown in a major way for the first time, and my favorite thing he did was unite the colonies in their fight for freedom by creating the Committee of Correspondence, which basically compelled the colonies to work as one and share information and resources as the fight for freedom moved forward. He saw something that everyone wanted, everyone was fighting for in their own way, and he brought them together. I love it.

 However, Richard Henry Lee is best known for the Resolution of Independence he submitted to Congress, which eventually led to the Declaration of Independence. It's often called the movement that set the train in motion. It turns out Richard Henry Lee also loved Jesus. In 1775 he was part of the first national day of prayer. And a little over a year later he was presenting the Bill to Congress that would change the world forever. What most don't know is that leading up to the presentation of that Bill, Richard Henry Lee prayed and fasted for 7 days straight. I can't really imagine what his prayers might have been. I'm sure he had a dream. I'm sure he knew a little of what was at stake. But everything I've learned about stories tells me that he probably didn't know he was in such a great story. We usually don't. I'm not sure why. But I now know Richard Henry Lee prayed furiously before presenting that Bill.

 Last week I was talking with a co-worker. He's Muslim, and he was telling me that Ramadan is about to start. It started today actually. He will be fasting from sun up to sun down for the next 30 days. Yeah, 30 days. No food. No water. Just mouthwash every couple hours because the stomach acid makes your breath smell like rotten cabbage. This blog isn't a debate about the difference between Islam and Christianity. But talking with him certainly stirred something in my heart as it relates to my faith. I've fasted. For one day a week. Or one meal a day. Or maybe fasted Facebook or some other nonsenical thing. Maybe those all count, I don't think there are "rules." I know at certain times in the Old Testament God commanded his people to fast. In the New Testament there is no "requirement" to fast that I know of, but like prayer and worship it draws us closer to the Lord. In Luke 5 Jesus tells the disciples that His followers will fast "when the bridegroom is no longer with them." That's now. Physically speaking at least.

 There are so many things going on in my life and the lives of those I love. So many decisions to be made. Maybe all the crossroads we're at aren't that big of a deal. Maybe it doesn't matter if we pray or fast because God is soverign and all will just work out. But maybe they are a huge deal. Maybe the outcome of all these decisions people I love are making will change the world forever. Maybe these decisions will change the direction of a family lineage for generations to come. Maybe they will result in a future president of the U.S. Maybe it's a school in Cambodia. A Priscilla and Aquilla tent building Paul training type team. Or maybe they create a Committee of Correspondence in the sex trafficking industry that changes everything. Maybe one family staying together could change the world for 500,000 or a million families, or maybe just one other family.

 When Jesus was overwhelmed with the crowds and exhausted from everything he went to pray and fast. He went away. So did many others in the bible. When crazy and overwhelming things were happening they went and did whatever it took to be closer to the Father. I don't know what's going to happen with so many situations in my life right now. But I know I can pray bold prayers. I can pray for the people I love to have wisdom. For truth to be spoken into their lives. That they would have courage to listen and move. To live by what they know and not what they feel. For restoration and forgiveness. For healing. And that I would have and do the same. I can pray expectently and mean it and stand on it.

 I guess you could say my prayer life has been challenged. I talk to Jesus more than ever these days, but still, something in me is stirring and unsettled knowing that more is available. I have a sense of urgency. Richard Henry Lee fasted and prayed for 7 days before presenting a bill that would change the world, forever. A Muslim friend and co-worker is fasting because, well I don't really know? Is that too honest? I suppose because he's focusing on his faith. He's denying himself something vital, to focus on another. I can't say he's doing it for the same reason as Christians. But he's doing it.

 It is interesting, because well, Jesus died on the cross so we didn't have to. We don't have to sacrifice ourselves or animals. We don't have to suffer to be in right standing with God. But I don't think this is about suffering. I think this is about loving. We have to choose to love God. And sometimes. Most of the time. Loving involves sacrifice. Sometimes we have to tell Him I want more of you no matter the cost. I want more of you more than I want food or water or sleep or Facebook or money or clothes or the mission trip or the girl.

 We want to experience His love and His presence. In the midst of America, our family, or relationships hanging in the balance. We want more of Him. I think that's the reason to fast and pray.

I don't have it all figured out, and I'm not saying I'm going 40 days without food. I'm saying I want more of Him, and I'm learning how to sacrifice.

 More to come.

Baseball, Family, and Mama Rojas

I'm learning that most of the time God gives us people. Regardless of what we're going through, praying for, or think we "need." Maybe it's because God knows people have stories. And every single one of us desires to be part of a story, whether we know it or not. God doesn't just give us anyone. He's intentional about it. He's thought it out. Mindfully crafted friendships to impact our hearts with only one goal in mind. Drawing us closer to Himself.

I've become more aware of this over the past month while I've been playing in a baseball league in the City and reliving the glory days of college. I have so much fun. There's something unexplainable about playing baseball on a perfect summer day and spitting sunflower seeds at shortstop. But even more fulfilling than that is the little Sunday routine my friends and I have developed. We go to church, go to lunch, go to the pool, and then I leave the pool early to go to my game. However, more often than not I look up from shortstop in the third inning and see my friends walking up the bleachers. It might seem lame. It might seem insignificant. But it tells me I matter. They could be doing anything with their Sunday afternoon and they pick me. They pick me at worn down fields all over Oklahoma City in a men's baseball league that doesn't matter to anyone else. They bring me drinks and sunflower seeds. They yell "HASSSSSSS"  when I make a play in the field or get up to bat. They wave their arms like in Angels In The Outfield.

I love every second of it.

When the game is over they're waiting for me and I give them all big sweaty dirt covered hugs. We go to Mama Rojas and have dinner together. Just celebrating life really. We make friends with our waiter, John, Sean John. Because that's what we do. We meet people and we invite them in. And every Sunday night I drive home thinking about this family I have. It's like any other family. We argue. We get sick of each other. We hurt each other's feelings. But we're family.

This morning I discovered one of the members of this family has a blog. She just started it, June of 2013. I think it's so cool when people I know start blogging. Not because it's cool. Or because they're cool. But because they're making art. And her blog was and is incredible. Maybe I think that because I think so highly of her. But I'm convinced that's not the reason. She can write, I'm sure of it. She came into this family not long after I did. I've been slowly learning about her and from her ever since. I guess at some point recently I looked up and realized she's one of my best friends. I know I can talk to her about anything, or not even say a word and she still understands. I think she knows this, but I should probably tell her.

People. God sends us people who have stories. People who want and need to tell their stories. Stories that we can learn from and people that will be part of our stories, and us theirs.

After reading her blog on Facebook this morning I was just going to repost it, but the caption for the post kept getting longer and longer. And now it's a blog. I suppose this is a little bit of a follow up to my last post, but that's okay. I'm thankful for Sundays. For this family of friends. For their stories. That they are with me, either way.

Her name is Mackenz, and I'm so thankful for her, and that I get to learn from her. She has a story worth sharing and this is where she's telling it:

www.MackenzieBorden.blogspot.com

I think everyone should read it.

More to come.

Two Red Bandannas and a VW Bug

Not long ago I read the book Love Does by Bob Goff. It's incredible. I think every single person should read it. Often times I'm guilty of reading a book so quickly that I don't slow down and really let things resonate in my heart. I get fired up with every chapter, story and paragraph. So I love to go back and revisit the chapters of a book. I don't necessarily re-read the book in order again. I just peruse the chapters like I'm scrolling through the archives of my favorite blog. This is what I'm learning...

"I had a down vest, two red bandannas, a pair of rock climbing shoes, seventy-five dollars, and a VW Bug. What else did I need?" - BG

Bob tells this story. About a boy named Bob (yes himself). He was a junior in high school. Bob decided at the end of his junior year it was time to be done with high school and time to move to Yosemite Park and climb mountains and live out his dream.

While Bob was in high school he became great friends with a Young Life counselor. He was Bob's mentor. Bob wasn't completely sure about Jesus, be he knew there was something different about the counselor. Something about the way the counselor was interested in his life. Something about the way the counselor would give up his time for Bob. If nothing else, Bob knew most people just didn't do that kind of thing.

Bob thought he'd stop by the counselor's house and tell him he was skipping town. Bob knocked on the front door and told the counselor about his great plan to drop out of high school and live out his dream in the mountains. The counselor disappeared inside momentarily and came back with a backpack, a sleeping bag under his arm, and four words,

"Bob, I'm with you."

Bob recounts the Counselor's words, "Something in his words rang right through me. He didn't lecture me about how I was blowing it and throwing opportunities away by leaving high school. He didn't tell me I was a fool and that my idea would fall of the tracks on the way to the launchpad. He didn't tell me I would surely crater even if I did briefly lift off. He was resolute, unequivocal, and had no agenda. He was with me."

The two headed to the mountains in the beat up VW Bug, stole a night at the camping grounds, and failed miserably on their first day of attempting to find Bob a job in the small town. Bob briefly lost hope until the ccounselor reminded him "Bob, you can do this thing if you want. You have the stuff it takes to pull it off. These guys don't know what they're missing. Let's try a few more places. Either way, Bob, I'm with you."

The next day the friends struck out on the job search again. Bob was out of money. And after a long silence coming to the conclusion that going back home to finish high school was the thing to do. The counselor told him "Man, whatever you decide, just know that either way I'm with you, Bob."

I'm with you. This compels me over and over.

Every one of us makes big decisions in our lives. We decide what sports to play in high school. What college to attend. What our major will be. Where we'll live. Who we'll marry. What job to take. Who comes and goes from our lives. What church to attend. What house to buy. Everyone in our life seems to have an opinion on these things. Sometimes these opinions can pull us in a thousand different directions. Sometimes these opinions drown out our hearts. But is the outcome of these things really the question?

When I read the bible I don't always see people getting answers. When I pray I don't always get answers. However, I do see we are offered peace. And it comes from God being with us. Isn't that what He promises? He will never leave nor forsake us?

"I learned that faith isn't about knowing all of the right stuff or obeying a list of rules. It's something more, something more costly because it involves being present and making a sacrifice." -BG

I think about the important decisions I've made in my life. My biggest joy's and my biggest scars. They all come down to one thing, who was present. Who looked at me and said, either way, I'm with you. Who sacrificed to be present. Who drove too many hours. Spent too much money. And didn't get enough sleep. Who skipped the meeting. Figured out the plans. Didn't turn in the homework just to sit with you. Who bought the plane ticket. Who moved across the country. Who jumped for joy when your team scored the winning run. Who surprised you a day early. Who planned a night of theatre when 3 years of schooling was hanging in the balance. Who skipped the concert. Who missed the graduation. Who didn't make the trip for homecoming. Who sat and listened. Who always answered the call. Who didn't give up when your heart was withering away. Who danced when the movie was over. Who didn't dance in the rain. Who was at the big game. Who yelled at you when you struck out. Who picked you up on the worst night of your life.

Who was present.

The people who love you are present. Those people sacrifice over and over. They have no agenda. They don't have a stake in the outcome. They look at you and say, I'm with you, infinity times out of infinity. When you identify those friends, those family members, that person...you will be present. And they won't be perfect. And someone in those relationships will always lose heart. But when the time comes that you're standing there with two red bandannas and a VW Bug, you'll get a look that says, I'm with you. When you don't deserve it. When I can't understand. And regardless of the outcome.

"The world can make you think that love can be picked up at a garage sale or enveloped in a Hallmark card. But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It's a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright." - BG

What you don't know is that Bob showed up on the counselor's door step the day after the counselor's wedding. We don't find out, but I'd imagine the counselor's wife was immediately disappointed when her new husband said he was leaving on their first weekend together for some high school kid. I'd also imagine she quickly realized exactly why she said, yes.

Who are we with? What are we sacrificing to love them?

More to come.