big ass circles

Recently I started reading  a book called "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson, and it's incredible. It's based on a story of a man named Honi who lived in Jerusalem the generation before Jesus was born. The people in Jerusalem had gone a year without a drop of rain. The prophets of the Old Testament had died off, and hearing from God had become an afterthought for most. But Honi, believed that even if he couldn't hear God, God could still hear him. So he walked out in front of the entire city hobbling on his cane and began to draw a circle around himself in the dust. A large crowd had gathered to see what was going on. He then got on his knees and prayed aloud, telling God that he was not leaving that circle until rain fell upon their people. Can you imagine that crowd? I know I probably would have scoffed at ole' Honi. But not moments later sprinkles began to fall and the desperate people began to rejoice. Dancing and Singing. Honi hadn't moved an inch. He again prayed aloud and declared that these sprinkles were not the rain he had prayed for. But rather, he had prayed for rain that would sustain and provide. Seconds later it began to downpour. Raindrops as big as eggs fell from the sky and the people scattered. The city was flooding, but Honi again didn't move an inch. One more time he prayed aloud and cried out not for a rain that wouldn't bring destruction, but a rain that would be gracious and bring life and favor upon his people. And in that moment the rains calmed. It went from a storm to a shower. That day became known as "the day."

I was lost in thought for awhile after I read this. I just sat in silence as I came to this realization: I've been standing in the crowd.

Honi's story is one of my favorite stories to date. More than anything it makes me realize that so many of us are standing in the crowd watching  the few and far between Honi's. Think about it. The story makes clear that these were a people of faith. God wasn't punishing them. It just wasn't raining. They were dry and they were starting to die. They couldn't comprehend how or why Honi would even do such a thing and think God would listen. Before Honi's prayer it was impossible for them to believe, after it was impossible for them not to.

It's interesting because each person in the crowd still received the blessing, right? Even though they weren't in that circle. Admittedly, I've been in the crowd for far too long. This doesn't mean I don't believe or pray or receive blessings in my life. But what if there's more than mist? What if God has been sitting there this whole time waiting for us to call to him and pray boldly and specifically for the things and desires he's placed inside of us. What if he's offended by how small our prayers are.

"When you live by faith, it often feels like you are risking your reputation. You're not. You're risking God's reputation. It's not your faith that's on the line. It's his faithfulness." - Mark Batterson

I think that's what the crowd, and myself, don't realize. Honi isn't afraid to kneel in the circle. He's not afraid to pray out loud and let every single person know what he's believing for. When it starts raining he's not afraid to pray for a different kind of rain. He prays specifically for a specific type of rain. And when he gets a sprinkle....he doesn't say, well, maybe this will work...?  He digs deeper and he expects more because he prayed for greater things. The kinds of things that make Jesus famous.

For me, it feels like I'm risking my reputation over and over. If I pray for specific things it's easy to get my hopes up. It's easy to get discouraged when those prayers don't immediately come to pass. It's even embarrassing. I thought maybe, just maybe I could stand out there with everyone else and survive off of the light mist that lands on the crowd while we watch the Honi's of the world get drenched with audacity.

I've decided that I'm tired of standing in the crowd. I'm tired of hoping that someone else will be audacious with their prayers. If you're a regular reader (I like to say this as if there are thousands of you) then you know I started leading the college and young adults ministry at my church this fall. Our church is only two years young so we don't have the big budgets or man power for extravagant things. Six months ago there were 7 young adults/college students and today this ministry looks like 25 people stacked in a living room on Thursday nights. It's incredible, and it has changed my life. But just like Honi when it started sprinkling, I know there's more and for the first time in my life I'm drawing a big ass circle. There are four college campuses within 20 minutes of our church, and the only significant college ministry I can find is 35-45 minutes away. I Google church after church in Oklahoma City and I can't find any college ministries. If they do actually have a college web page I can't even decipher where they meet or what time it's at.

The silence is deafening in this city. I can't take all four campuses at once, but today I made my first connection at my first campus. We had a lunch meeting two miles from campus and talked about potential connections and all the possibilities for growth there. After lunch I did the only thing I could think to do...went two miles up the street and drove circles around that campus and prayed over and over for God to give it to me. For him to give me the entire thing. For the right relationships and resources to come from the nothing I have right now. For the way the vision he's given me is going to continue to unfold. For a ministry that connects students to the Jesus that is completely ridiculous and full of adventure. The same Jesus that walked on water, turned water to wine, put mud in peoples eyes, and talked to everyone that he wasn't supposed to. For a ministry that compels students to stop standing at the door of life until they graduate, but invites them to clutch the knob and swing the door open to a city that needs freshmen and sophomores and juniors and seniors to start organizations now and feed the homeless now and show the Oklahoma City prostitutes the love of Jesus now. It probably won't happen over night, and it might look really lame before it's really awesome. But I know that I've been given a vision, and now I've got a circle....and that's a dangerous combination.

So that's why I've been scared to get in the circle in the past and that's what I'm doing about it. You should know God is begging you to put his reputation on the line and draw a big ass circle around your marriage, your future job, your best friend, your biggest dreams, your next meal, your bills that keep stacking up, your addiction, or whatever else you might think is too big for him. And just for the record, if you feel like an idiot praying for it, or telling someone, or writing about it because it seems impossible...you're probably onto something.

 More to come- J

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I'm Feelin September

It's almost fall and I'm so ready I can't even take it. It's absolutely my favorite season. The days are cooler. The nights are crisp. The leaves change colors. Football is on, playoff baseball begins, and fires will start burning. C'monnnn somebody I'm getting fired up (a la Josh Cossey). But it's still September and people post their new fall clothes on Instagram because it's not cold enough, or at all, to wear them yet. I hear Starbucks even released their Pumpkin Spiced Latee early this year - making money off of your anticipation. I'm guilty also, I'd probably be willing to throw away the rest of September like all of you. But I have to slow myself down and remember what the rest of September offers; with the last bit of summer, we're offered all kinds of moments, and that's something we can never get back This isn't another cease the day blog. Not another "#YOLO" anthem. I'm not telling you to live your life to the fullest and skydive and travel and stay out too late. I'm not telling you not to look forward to things. I'm telling you to feel the moment to the fullest, the real moments, the big ones that seem so small but later loop in your mind like a six second Vine.

Doesn't it feel like we live our lives waiting for the next big event? The next season. We're a bunch of moment wasters. My college baseball coach shared a story with the seniors every year, "the marble story", to remind the seniors just how few moments we had left to run out to our positions, slide in the dirt, and get grass stains on our white pants like 10 year old boys. It's kind of long and throws off the flow of a normal blog. Luckily there are no rules on this blog, so give it a read if you have time.

"The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it...

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles".

I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital."

He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years." "Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."

"It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy."

"So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away." "I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time." "It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.

73 Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!" You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

So, how many Saturdays do you have left, and how many have you wasted? I think life is all about moments. Saturdays are really just the greatest opportunity for moments. I don't know what season you're in. Maybe you're in an incredibly fruitful season and you never want it to end. Maybe it's been the worst season of your life. Maybe it's neither, and you are just muddling along through each day somewhere in between. You could be starting your freshman year of college or just realizing you're a senior. You could be looking forward to your wedding. The perfect vacation. Falling in love. Chasing your dreams. You could be facing tragedy. Struggling to get up each morning. Finding it difficult to stay sober. Avoiding admitting you were wrong. Starting a new ministry. Or rebuilding a baseball program.

Wherever we're at we have to remember we only have so many moments. No season will last forever, whether good or bad or in between. We have to face it all. We have to be present. We have to feel heartbreak and fear and pain and suffering. We have to feel disappointment and let down and being unsure and confused. We have to feel our hearts beating out of our chests with joy and excitement. We have to feel love and grace and compassion. We have to find the ability to be real. If we're not facing the music we're not living. 

"She wasn't waiting for the good part. She knows that these are the good parts, even while they're the bad parts. She wasn't shut down, going through the motions. She wasn't holding tight till this season passed. She was right there with me, right there with her kids, right in all the glory and pain and mess and beauty of a spring night in between everything." -Shauna Niequist

There's something about all the moments and all the months. There's something about staying present that is so risky and so fulfilling. There's something about not just passing the days and numbing yourself from the bigness of a moment. Right? That's what makes the moments bruitful. Beautiful and Brutal. They both make you feel alive. I can't help but think that Jesus gave us all the feelings and all the moments for a reason. So I can't just throw away September while I'm waiting on October. I can't throw away being diligent and learning while bigger dreams are unfolding right in front of me. I can't throw away learning how to be a husband while I'm waiting on a wife. I can't throw away Saturday mornings. I can't throw away any of those times, not when it's easy, not when it's painful, not when it's boring, not when I'm waiting for something great to happen.

This September I dare you to feel as many moments as you can.

More to come- J

eighteen days

For the first time in a long time, I haven't known what to write. I haven't been able to find the topic or the story. I've been doing fun things. There have been awesome moments. I have some great stories. But still, I've had nothing to say. It has been eighteen days since I last blogged. Sure, that's not forever. But sometimes it feels like it when you don't know what to write. 

One of my dreams is to be a writer. I'm not really sure what that looks like. I want to write a book. I want to have a blog that thousands of people read and are somehow filled with life. But while that dream exists, I've also come to this realization. Writing is a business. Most prolific writers have contracts and agents. Deadlines and schedules. Suppose you're Donald Miller and writing is your full time job. You have a contract and you've got to write three, or four, or five books in a year - or however long. You probably don't have eighteen days to not know what to say.

There's a fairly new song out by Jimmy Needham, it's called "Clear the Stage." It goes like this:

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze
If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols
Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too
Until the congregations few, then have revival
Tell your friends that this is where the party ends
Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social
Then seek the lord & wait for what he has in store
And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful

'cause you can sing all you want to
Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song

Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for god to whisper
Beg him please to open up his mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

I've had this song on repeat the past two days. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, woah, chill out Jimmy...you're a little intense there. His words are almost offensive...and I get defensive. I think this is sometimes the way truth works. It's the way the gospel works. It offends us by nature. We either clinch our fists and get defensive or we fall to our knees with our palms up.

What I'm realizing after eighteen days is there are times you have to clear the stage. It doesn't matter if you're doing great things or awful things. You can build a church, make best friends, feed the homeless, or run an organization. You can make memories and take awesome trips. Dominate your job. Have the biggest crush on someone. And maybe all of those things are God honoring. But despite all of it, there's an insatiable desire for more. 

Jimmy sings..."Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken." All great things can become a distraction and none of them can take the place of talking to Jesus, of falling on your knees and listening to him speak. 

So last night I did that. I stopped going a million miles an hour with all the great things going on in my life. I did nothing in silence and I listened while I did it. I got rid of the outer distractions, and found the inner distractions that make us always so welcoming of the outer. But there I also found the overwhelming presence of Jesus. The kind that pulls at your heart and reminds you of his bigness and goodness and faithfulness. The kind that makes you cry like an 8th grade girl because you don't know what else to do in his presence.

When you clear the stage, Jesus always meets you there because that's his promise. Despite our likeness of Peter, of David, of Abraham, and Adam and Eve. He's faithful. So I dare you to clear the stage. To go Youtube the song, and listen to what Jesus wants to tell you and nobody else. He desperately wants to talk to you.

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure." - Henri J.M. Nouwen

I'm thankful for eighteen days, for silence, and for words with meaning that brings life.

More to come - J

wisdom from a seven year old

Why is it that we aren't typically interested in learning about anything until our feet are to the fire? Maybe this is only me, and if so feel free to stop reading now. But seriously, why do we do it? I know learning about something can't ever really prepare you for the experience of it. Whether it's marriage, a new career, a new semester, a new friend, being a parent, or even just a new day. I think we should continually seek wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.

The first chapter in Proverbs is entitled "The Beginning of Knowledge." Proverbs 1:1-5 has been my go to the past few months. For some reason I can't get past it. Maybe it's because I've never been in this place before.

"The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth- Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance..."

It reminds me of the people in my life that I can only think to describe as, wise. You know, the select two or three that you would swear are on a different wave length with Jesus. The ones you just have to talk to when you're in a real pickle. And you often wonder, will I ever know or love Jesus as much as they do? I love those people and I hope I grow into one of them someday.

However, recently I've been learning from a seven year old little girl. Here's just a few things shes teaching me.

How to be Fearless.

She goes to my church and I first met her about a month ago when the church took a trip to Six Flags. She's seven and she rode every single roller coaster that day. I love roller coasters so I also rode them all. But I know I wasn't as brave as her. It was near the end of the day and the whole group met back up to ride a couple last rides before we called it a day. The Texas Giant was all that was left, and of course she rode it. She rode it with me and we sat at the very front. I remember slowly creeping to the top and feeling pretty fearful. She was just talking away and looking out into the distance. And then we got to the peak. I gripped the cart for deal life, but she let go and put her arms in the air as we plummeted straight down.

She taught me that letting go and putting your arms in the air is the only way to do it, getting on the ride isn't enough. Taking the job isn't enough. Moving isn't enough. Being in the relationship isn't enough. Showing up isn't enough. Sending a text isn't enough. You can't just put your toes in the water. You're either all in, or you're still holding on to the cart and missing out on a whole lot.

How to Stand Your Ground.

Our church just finished Vacation Bible School this week for all the grade school kids. It was only three nights, but it seemed like a month. It was definitely worth it, though. The first two nights were great and we taught a lot of kids about Jesus. I was able to spend a lot of time with my seven year old friend over these three days. But I remember the last night vividly. At the end of each night we'd have praise and worship. And each night we'd ask if there were anyone who needed to give their hearts to Jesus. The first night a few kids went down to the altar. The second night more kids went down. The last night every single kid went down in a frenzy. As soon as we asked the question there was a stampede to the altar. Except my little friend didn't go. She just stood next to me, and looked up at me and said "woah!"

I smiled and asked her if she wanted to go with the other kids. She said "no." I asked her if she would like me to go with her, and again she confidently said "no thanks." - I don't know for sure what she was thinking, but I had peace about it. It was almost as if she were looking at the other kids like they were crazy, like she wanted to tell them....you asked Jesus into your heart last night and the night before...what the heck are you doing? He loves you, He's not going anywhere.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Or maybe you just weren't there to see the confidence in her face. We already know she's fearless, remember?

How to be a Dad.

I have three nephews I'm incredibly close with. They're probably the most important things to me in the entire world. Unfortunately they live in Kansas City so I don't see them as much as I'd like to. They teach me patience, and a lot of other things that it's probably going to take to be a dad to boys one day. I haven't been around little girls very much. So I'm learning a lot recently from my friend at church. She was a little bit shy at first. After our Six Flags trip she'd come find me on Sundays at church, grin and wave, and disappear. But then one Sunday I went and found her and bent down and asked her how she was and told her how beautiful she looked for church. Ever since then she'll come and find me, throw her arms around me, and I'll tell her how beautiful she looks.

During VBS I was able to spend a lot of time with her. We'd play and laugh and be goofy together. She'd always want me to sit with her. She'd wave to me from across the room. But there was a moment I lost it. Probably the first moment I thought, I can't wait to be a dad someday. On the last night after she had stood her ground, we were going to end the night praying over all the kids and leaders who helped make the week happen. All of the kids gathered around the stage and her friends came and grabbed her arm and drug her off to the other side of the stage like little girls do. I didn't follow, I just stood around the other kids. But as our pastor got ready to pray I looked over and she was leaning back peeking at me around all the other people. And when she saw me look at her she just left her friends and ran back over to me and held my hand as we prayed. I was done for. I had just the slightest glimpse of what it must be like to have a little girl.

I don't have kids. I'm not even married. I don't try to be her dad just like I don't try to be my nephew's dad. They both have great dads. But I do try to learn and catch a glimpse of what it might take. Because I want to be a dad someday. The same way I want to be a husband someday, and I'm trying to find out all that it will take to be a great one.

There she is. I'm thankful for her friendship. I'm thankful that I've been able to learn from her without her even knowing it. I'm thankful that she always reminds me to have faith like a child.

We can't forget to slow down. To open our eyes and see what's around us. What or who can we learn from? And how can we get that knowledge to our hearts?

More to come- J

kitchen tables

I've been going to my church for about 7 months now and I've met some amazing people and friends. The majority of whom live on the northside of OKC, because that's where our church is. There are others who live on the southside of OKC. And I live somewhere in the middle near downtown. When I started going to church there I quickly noticed how all of the northsiders would continually lobby for everyone else to move to the north side. 

I thought it was so annoying. I thought, why the heck does it matter where we live? We come to church. We meet up to hangout. We have plenty of "community". Really, what is 25 minutes of driving time?

That was 2 months in and there was this part of me that used to think everyone was out to get me. That the northsiders could only want us to move there for self serving reasons. It wasn't anything they did, but just my own struggle to trust people and see things for what they are. It's something I'm learning how to do with each new day.

Today, is 7 months though. And last night I helped one of my best friends move some of her things from the south side of OKC, to the north side of OKC. Really, I wasn't much help. She had been moving things all day and I just went by after work to see how it was going. However, one of the things she did need help moving was a table and four chairs. Jacob and his wife Brittany now live in the neighborhood just across the street, so they met up with us and we carried the table up the stairs to her new apartment. It was late and most of us had worked all day and then worked more at the church for a good portion of that night. But despite being exhausted and not having eaten lunch or dinner we freed the table and chairs from their protective plastic coverings with a couple car keys and a grueling effort, because it was her new apartment and first table and four chairs to purchase all on her own.

With the exception of this new table the apartment was still empty. There was nothing on the walls and no other furniture. No pretty pictures and no throw pillows or candles. We put the chairs around the table, but we didn't sit in them. Jacob sat on the floor and Brittany eventually sat down close to him. I love that she wants to be close to him. Mackenzie and I just stood there and took a deep breath. The girls said how "pretty" the table looked. We talked about having dinner at her table. And filling her apartment with people and life. I'm pretty sure we were all exhausted and ready to go home, but we just looked at the table for a little bit. It was in this moment I realized, all of the northsiders wanted us to move closer, because they wanted us to come to the table. 

The table gives life and it pushes us. It's where we talk and listen. It's where we fight and make up. It's where we dream and get focused. Where we eat together and play cards. It's where we cry and forgive. I think about the last supper and the disciples asking Jesus where he wanted to eat the Passover, and Jesus told them about a man in a city, who had a house...with a table. Jesus said to go there, and he would meet them and eat the Passover. Most of us know those verses and the discussions that took place. But I love that the disciples had to find a table, it was time to engage. Jesus didn't lead them onto the water in that moment, or atop a scenic mountain with a star covered sky. He wanted them to come to the table.

I think a lot of times the table gets drowned out by everything else in our houses or apartments, and our lives. We decorate the entire place and surround it with so much stuff. There are so many other things to look at. We pile junk on the table and use it for storage. If we happen to sit at the table we turn the TV on. We complain of being too busy. And if we're being honest, we don't like what the table brings. It causes us to slow down. It causes us to focus on each other. It causes us to talk. The table says, it's time to engage. And it's not the table that's significant, it's the opportunity. The opportunity for community, for relationship, for doing life with people who love you.

So a 25 minute drive may sound insignificant, and we may still hang out with the northsiders all the time. But what I've started to realize is it's better to live at the table than visit it. It's awesome to live across the street from your best friends and go to each others' houses and eat each others' food like it's your home, because it is. In case you're wondering, I still live in midtown, but I think sooner than later I'll be moving to the table.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful,

committed citizens can change the world.

Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

More to come- J 

 

you know what time it is

Sup everyone. Have you heard the news? I caved. I'm on the line...Exchange O Gram...it's completely different than Instagram. But really, after holding out for a couple years I finally joined Instagram, and it makes me think of the Internship every time. So enjoy the clip.

I guess this blog is more about how I ended up "on the line."

If you follow the Blog at all you know I'm coming up on a year of living in Oklahoma City. My first year as an attorney is almost over. My first year dealing with all the joys of being an adult has come to pass- it has been a year hard fought. I graduated law school in Florida and moved back to Oklahoma. I love Oklahoma. My dad was a judge in Tulsa for 20+ years so I have ties to the legal community. Most of my family lives in Oklahoma and Kansas. I had every reason to justify the move home. However, I had a best friend and girlfriend of 3+ years...who was in Oklahoma. I told her I wasn't moving home for her, more than once or a hundred times. I told everyone I wasn't moving home for her. The truth is...I moved home for her. It's interesting how at the time it seemed more risky to tell her I was moving for her than to actually move across the country with no promise of a job. I moved, and nothing turned out like we planned. Being an attorney is nothing like watching Suits. It's demanding, and it drains you. And it flat out kicked my ass. I suffered as a person, my relationships suffered, my faith suffered. Somehow it brought every impurity  in my life and past to the surface...like a fire. My girlfriend and I broke up. Actually, my girlfriend broke up with me. Mostly because I was a miserable person to be around. I had no friends. No church. No faith. No girlfriend. And a job that I was sinking in.

I know, am I done feeling sorry for myself yet. I'm not the first to experience it, and I won't be the last. But that doesn't make it easier for anyone. After all of that I just had this time with God, because really I had nothing left. For the first time in my life I was picking a fight with Him. I told Him how I really felt about all the things that had happened in my life. I told him I was pissed. I told him I didn't understand. I think he had been waiting for a long time to hear those things. To hear me be honest. And eventually, when God thought I was ready, I bumped into my church. I met new friends and new family.

I can't help but think about how different things are from a year ago. How God brought me to the perfect church at the perfect time. But I still had a choice to make. I could attend church and love it and enjoy the friends I had made. Which is great, and that's ideal...grow spiritually and live in community. But for me, it can't stop there. Not anymore. I had to get some skin in the game.

Joan of Arc is one of my favorite people in history. If you don't know much about her you should just Google her name. She was an uneducated peasant girl in fifteenth century France who had all odds against her and persisted to fight for what she believed was right. She led the French Army to several victories before she was captured by the enemy, betrayed by her own, and eventually burned at the stake. By the time she was 16 she had proclaimed herself the virgin warrior sent by God to deliver France from the English, and said that she received counsel from angels for three years. Since Joan was human she protested to God for some time, but she knew what God was telling her. And eventually, she undertook the quest that she had been prepared for.

She was feverish in her determination to succeed at what was, by anyone's measure, a preposterous mission. She knew not how to ride or lead in war; and yet she roused an exhausted, under equipped and impotent army into a fervor that carried it from one unlikely victory to the next. Defying the cautious strategies of seasoned generals to follow inaudible directions from invisible beings. - Kathryn Harrison

That pulls at everything inside of me. It makes me want to save little kids in Uganda or young girls in Cambodia. Maybe even run through a brick wall. I love that she rose to the occasion. She went against the grain. She told war generals and veterans they were wrong. She rode into war with only a flag declaring "Party of the Kingdom of Heaven." The doubters doubt. They say she was crazy and believe she had symptoms of schizophrenia, epilepsy, or tuberculosis. Stories are told about her praying for and healing little children and her prayer for the wind to rise up when her boats' sails had stalled at sea.

One Wednesday at church when I was 7 years old I went up for prayer with my mom. You don't remember much from when you're 7, but I remember this. I'm pretty sure I just followed her up, because that's what 7 year old's do. I didn't know why we were going up for prayer, but I remember being prayed for, and I remember when it was over. My mom asked me what I thought. I told her I was supposed to be a youth pastor. It just makes me laugh. I don't think I had told anyone that story until about 2 months ago. I suppose there are many reasons I held it in.

I'm still not a youth pastor.

However, starting this fall I am the college and young adults pastor. It took 19 years, a bachelors in psychology, and a law degree; here's to taking the long route. But here I am. Lawyering during the day and doing things in whatever capacity I need to at the church by night. We're a young church, and we don't have hundreds of college kids yet. But we have this vision. I have this vision.

I don't know what's going to happen from here, but it felt a little bit crazy when I was sitting there with the pastors in our church and the head pastor looked at me and said "You're a pastor now!" and looked at them and said "He's a pastor now!" I felt like he was a little crazy because I've never been to bible college or seminary. But I also felt like I had been waiting 19 years to hear those words.

This blog isn't about you becoming a pastor, or how hard the past year was. It's not about quitting your job or changing your major. It's not about where you're going this summer or who you're going to marry. It's about getting some skin in the game. Whatever game in this life you find yourself in. It's time to get up and go. There's things to be done. Places to go. People to love. It's time to join the worship team. It's time to be the youth pastor. It's time to invite your co-worker to church. It's time to mail your friends handwritten thank you's because sometimes technology just doesn't suffice. It's time to make the call. It's time to do what is hard. It's time to just do something.You know better than I do what's on your heart, but it's time.

"Extravagant love isn't satisfied just dangling its feet over the water in people's lives; it grabs its knees and does a cannonball." - Bob Goff

This is how I ended up on Instagram. Even though I think it's ridiculous. Even though I never take pictures. I do now because all the high school kids do. Because all the college kids do. And I want to cannonball into their world and not dangle my feet or take the stairs into the water.

Joan once said "I'm not afraid, I was born to do this." - she had some skin in the game. I want to be that feverish and I want to be that preposterous. It's time.

More to come- J

Mouthwash and Cabbage

Sup everyone. I've decided if I ever get paid to write a blog I'm still going to say, "Sup everyone". But I digress.

 On Sunday at church (www.faithchurch.me) we talked about the 4th a little, and prayer a lot. My pastor shared a story about Richard Henry Lee. Maybe some of you have heard of him? I hadn't. So I did some research also. I'm sure every history buff knows of him, but he doesn't get much street cred. Richard Henry Lee did a lot of increidble things as Politician and Activist in the 1700's: as a member of Virginia's House he publicly spoke out aginast slavery and put the highest tax on slavery anyone had ever seen (keep in mind this is 1759...and at the time actions like this were putting your life on the line), he co-authored the Westmoreland Resolves which became a book of sorts speaking out against the Crown in a major way for the first time, and my favorite thing he did was unite the colonies in their fight for freedom by creating the Committee of Correspondence, which basically compelled the colonies to work as one and share information and resources as the fight for freedom moved forward. He saw something that everyone wanted, everyone was fighting for in their own way, and he brought them together. I love it.

 However, Richard Henry Lee is best known for the Resolution of Independence he submitted to Congress, which eventually led to the Declaration of Independence. It's often called the movement that set the train in motion. It turns out Richard Henry Lee also loved Jesus. In 1775 he was part of the first national day of prayer. And a little over a year later he was presenting the Bill to Congress that would change the world forever. What most don't know is that leading up to the presentation of that Bill, Richard Henry Lee prayed and fasted for 7 days straight. I can't really imagine what his prayers might have been. I'm sure he had a dream. I'm sure he knew a little of what was at stake. But everything I've learned about stories tells me that he probably didn't know he was in such a great story. We usually don't. I'm not sure why. But I now know Richard Henry Lee prayed furiously before presenting that Bill.

 Last week I was talking with a co-worker. He's Muslim, and he was telling me that Ramadan is about to start. It started today actually. He will be fasting from sun up to sun down for the next 30 days. Yeah, 30 days. No food. No water. Just mouthwash every couple hours because the stomach acid makes your breath smell like rotten cabbage. This blog isn't a debate about the difference between Islam and Christianity. But talking with him certainly stirred something in my heart as it relates to my faith. I've fasted. For one day a week. Or one meal a day. Or maybe fasted Facebook or some other nonsenical thing. Maybe those all count, I don't think there are "rules." I know at certain times in the Old Testament God commanded his people to fast. In the New Testament there is no "requirement" to fast that I know of, but like prayer and worship it draws us closer to the Lord. In Luke 5 Jesus tells the disciples that His followers will fast "when the bridegroom is no longer with them." That's now. Physically speaking at least.

 There are so many things going on in my life and the lives of those I love. So many decisions to be made. Maybe all the crossroads we're at aren't that big of a deal. Maybe it doesn't matter if we pray or fast because God is soverign and all will just work out. But maybe they are a huge deal. Maybe the outcome of all these decisions people I love are making will change the world forever. Maybe these decisions will change the direction of a family lineage for generations to come. Maybe they will result in a future president of the U.S. Maybe it's a school in Cambodia. A Priscilla and Aquilla tent building Paul training type team. Or maybe they create a Committee of Correspondence in the sex trafficking industry that changes everything. Maybe one family staying together could change the world for 500,000 or a million families, or maybe just one other family.

 When Jesus was overwhelmed with the crowds and exhausted from everything he went to pray and fast. He went away. So did many others in the bible. When crazy and overwhelming things were happening they went and did whatever it took to be closer to the Father. I don't know what's going to happen with so many situations in my life right now. But I know I can pray bold prayers. I can pray for the people I love to have wisdom. For truth to be spoken into their lives. That they would have courage to listen and move. To live by what they know and not what they feel. For restoration and forgiveness. For healing. And that I would have and do the same. I can pray expectently and mean it and stand on it.

 I guess you could say my prayer life has been challenged. I talk to Jesus more than ever these days, but still, something in me is stirring and unsettled knowing that more is available. I have a sense of urgency. Richard Henry Lee fasted and prayed for 7 days before presenting a bill that would change the world, forever. A Muslim friend and co-worker is fasting because, well I don't really know? Is that too honest? I suppose because he's focusing on his faith. He's denying himself something vital, to focus on another. I can't say he's doing it for the same reason as Christians. But he's doing it.

 It is interesting, because well, Jesus died on the cross so we didn't have to. We don't have to sacrifice ourselves or animals. We don't have to suffer to be in right standing with God. But I don't think this is about suffering. I think this is about loving. We have to choose to love God. And sometimes. Most of the time. Loving involves sacrifice. Sometimes we have to tell Him I want more of you no matter the cost. I want more of you more than I want food or water or sleep or Facebook or money or clothes or the mission trip or the girl.

 We want to experience His love and His presence. In the midst of America, our family, or relationships hanging in the balance. We want more of Him. I think that's the reason to fast and pray.

I don't have it all figured out, and I'm not saying I'm going 40 days without food. I'm saying I want more of Him, and I'm learning how to sacrifice.

 More to come.