I think we all desire to be in the know, and it's a continual growth process to become content to know the One who does know- Jesus, if you weren't catching on. The reality is we don't get to know everything. And we certainly don't get to control ANYTHING, as much as we try to manipulate our circumstances and make believe we do. Really we just try and make ourselves as comfortable as possible in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. I don't think God ever intended on controlling us with a remote, however. So every decision shouldn't require an answer in a burning bush before we move. Of course, there are decisions in our lives that are incredibly important to us, and I do believe God cares greatly for those things. We often pray tirelessly over these decisions and circumstances, and still don't get the writing in the sky. Sometimes you don't have a clear cut answer and you just have to make the decision to dive in, trusting that the Lord will guide you as you go.
But do you ever just know? I mean really know. You can't explain it. You can't get away from it. Have you ever known something like that? It's so deep in your bones that no matter how many times you try to ignore it, it just calls you back. It doesn't come to you in a burning bush as God spoke to Moses. God doesn't send a blinding light and part the heavens as he did for Saul. I personally believe God still works this way all over the world, even if I haven't experienced it. More often than not, though, it's the Holy Spirit speaking in what is described as a "still small voice."
"The real Voice is stiller and smaller and seems to know, without confusion, the difference between right and wrong and the subtle delineation between the beautiful and profane. It's not an agitated Voice, but ever patient as though it approves a million false starts. The Voice I am talking about is a deep water of calming wisdom that says, hold your tongue; don't talk about that person that way; forgive the friend you haven't talked to; don't look at that woman as a possession; I want to show you the sunset; look and see how short life is and how your troubles are not worth worrying about; buy that bottle of wine and call your friend and see if he can get together, because, remember, he was supposed to have that conversation with his daughter, and you should ask him about it."- Unknown
I've been in Oklahoma City for about six months now. I remember making half hearted attempts to find a church in my first few months, but that's for another blog, I think. I've since found a church. Before I ever went to this church, I had lunch with the pastor, whom I had gotten in contact with through a mutual friend. We had a good conversation and he encouraged me to give his church a shot. Do you ever let your mind wander and imagine what something is going to be like before you actually experience it? It's usually one extreme or the other....this experience will be perfect in every way, or this experience is going to be miserable. Either way, we're usually wrong. As I walked into this church on my first Sunday it wasn't anything like I imagined. I imagined perfection. My immediate thought was, "I'm not coming back." However, about halfway through the second song of worship I let my defenses down. I stopped being critical. I stopped being judgmental. I just listened. And I experienced the undeniable presence of Jesus in the room that day. The service was great and afterwards I just sat there as the band continued to play. Everyone was filtering out and chattering about lunch plans. I didn't move. I just stared. I was thinking of a million reasons to not come back. To find a church that was a "better fit" for me and my preferences. I was rationalizing it all in my head, it made sense. The only thing that didn't make sense was that I knew deep inside, without a shadow of a doubt, I was supposed to be at that church.
So many things and people try to speak into our lives. It's dangerous. It's so easy to get tossed around like a leaf in the wind. Don't get me wrong, I think God can and does speak to us in ways that are not limited by our understanding- This includes through other people. However, do we just take this at face value? It's hard to get an objective opinion from a person based on what God is saying. People base opinions on previous personal experiences, hurts, emotions, and any number of other things no matter how much they love Jesus. I don't mean to discount the wisdom and knowledge of those that love us and have more experiences than us. However, I've been incredibly challenged the past few months to ask myself, what does Jesus say? Does everything that man is saying line up with the Word and what Jesus is telling me?
Then there's the enemy, yeah, the devil. I think it's easy for most people to acknowledge God. People want God to work in their lives and circumstances. But how often do we acknowledge that the devil is at work also. Some of you are thinking, oh no, he's getting weird on us...and I don't really care. It's the Truth. God isn't the only one with a plan people. We have to wake up. The bible says the devil comes to steal, kill, and destory, to devour us. To thwart every plan God ever had for our lives. I don't mean we should turn all our attention to the enemy, but if we don't acknowledge him, how can we even begin to understand how he's trying to manipulate every aspect of our lives. I don't think we believe it. I mean really believe it. We would live differently. Myself included. I don't mean we'd be without sin, but I think we'd wake up every single day aware of what is at stake.
We don't get to know everything, so the question isn't, what do you want to know? The question is, what do you know, what has God burned into your heart, and who is speaking into your life about it? Whose opinion carries the greatest weight? Maybe you're seeing what you know play out before your eyes; there is no better feeling on this Earth. Maybe you just discovered what you know last week and you've spent every night since tossing and turning out of excitement, or fear. Maybe you lost sight of what you know, and you don't even know it. Maybe you know, but you've been knowing, and you're starting to lose heart. Maybe you know and you're trying your hardest to tell God you don't want to know anymore. Maybe you don't even know what I'm talking about...and in that case, I pray that you'd know what it feels like to just know.
Because when you know, nothing can change your mind or convince you otherwise. Something inside just bursts into flames.
"I'll never second guess the little voice I heard, it's just a whisper...but it sounded like a scream...I ain't never felt so free." - Needtobreathe
You start preaching to an audience of corn stalks because no human cares what you have to say yet. You move from Cincinnati to Oklahoma City because you believe in a preacher that would preach to corn stalks. You go on the missions trip. You give more money than you can afford to give. You move across the country for the girl. You start the organization. You make the call. You ask for forgiveness. It doesn't just happen over night, and it rarely goes according to plan. It doesn't quite look like we imagined. It's like dancing in a minefield. And the time will come when we're tired of knowing, we're tired of listening because it doesn't look the way we thought it should. What we know isn't coming to pass. But don't lose heart. "The Lord is not slow to fulfiill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." 2 Peter 3:9.
If people never think we're crazy. If our decisions always make sense to the world based on our circumstances. If we're always going when people think we should go, or staying when they think we should stay. If we're always comfortable and never at risk. If we don't know what it feels like to do something completely out of the know. Then I'd dare to say we probably don't know Jesus very well, or we just aren't listening to what He says.
Let us desire to listen with everything in our being. More to come.
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